Rizwan Kassim's Public Log

Regular

Just got CnC Generals downloaded, crashes like a motherfucker but its awesome. Turns out Master of the Orion 3 is out too, no one can seem to find it anywhere.

HeatherW and I are going out on Sunday, I'm looking forward to that.
Tried to ask someone interesting in intimacy class today for coffee .. got told "ill tell you when i have time", no ph numbers exchanged... extremely contentions girl, i have to jump around a lot. HeatherW is like that too. So is Mika. In fact most of the cool people I know are like that. I guess I just need a challenge.

CnC generals rocks though. It really does.

DVD backup to VCD.
http://cdmediaworld.com/hardware/cdrom/dvd_utils_5.shtml

It looks damn good.
New West Wing out, yay!
I need to find out how to make VCDs that work downstairs with the MPEGAV dir and all correct.

Beyond that... not that terribly exciting of a day. Chatting with Heatherw and Cnc were the tops for the day.

Got some video file with Heather Graham in it. Yes, its porn, deal.
Its from when she acted in porn, pre-Boogie nights. I've never seen such a legitimately passionate (25second) seduction scene. Its very sexy and not really pornoy at all.. its .. cute, if the word could be used.

Excuse..

Just saw Catch Me If You Can. Very very good.

Lots of random girl scenes. I'm still lonely. I don't really like it, and a few incidents have got me thinking about it a LOT more than I usually would.

Donkax BitTorrent File List - BitTorrent

I'm iming with Seth right now, lazy ass tells me that hes ADD, but refuses to go see an LD counselor "no way, they scare me" ... Rolo was under the impression that without my problems, I'd be smarter ... I gave that some thought today.. I'm not sure if id be smarter. .. I think I am more able right now though... I can deal with what my life throws at me with my divided attention, but there is some question as to whether that same problem has created a life that leads me to need those abilities, etc.

Rolo's all depressed cause of Kristen. I don't really have the energy to spend any more time on the subject than that.

I'm gonna ask HeatherW to go skiing with me on Sunday, esp. since new snow fell tonight ...

Called up Crystal to wish her a happy birthday.. granted it was a week late. She wants (I asked her what she wanted) a book called "The Selfish Gene" or a poster of "clockwork orange" ... that girl never ceases to surprise me.
Speaking of the Andrews, I miss Heather. We had so much fun at my house, having a sleepover, it was like the old times. We cuddled, which I missed SO much with her.

Seth is distracting me with ims, so im going.

Hmm

3

Longish 2

Longish day

Scripting v. Programming

TheTheologian writes "In his InfoWorld column, Chad Dickerson says 'there is a level of quiet discomfort between the "scripting" versus "programming" factions in some corporate development environments in which I have participated. In some instances, executive-level technology management has held scripting languages in disdain as not being "real" languages for day-to-day problem solving, which has discouraged highly talented scripters on staff from practicing their craft. In such an environment, scripters are relegated to the lower ranks ... ' He goes on to say that some companies will assign Java and C programmers tasks that take them weeks but could be done by Perl or Python programmers in a few hours. Is it true that some companies are so overcome with code bias they'd assign weeks of unnecessary work rather than give it to the scripting untouchables?"

Seth, read this.

MTGO

Why Magic Online Will Suck

Interesting Slashdot article .. tis wrong as I have not heard of mtgo hacking and after everquest, nothing will cause that kinda of addiction again... Magic is a hobby, and I dont even spend more than maybe .. 3 hrs a week .. 6 if i play twice.

Wge

A new study suggests sperm can cure a woman of depression -- think it's true or is it every man's pipe dream?

NEW YORK - Semen may be a natural "upper" and its effect may be addictive, according to a recent study of sexually active college women.

Reasonable day, final part

I forget to include the emotional ups and downs from a book into my figuring of emotional state, and I forget how purging it is to laugh. Considering i love making others laugh, its easy to forgot to make yourself laugh.

That being said, none of you out there can automatically disregard any mood of mine to books or something else :)

Good night, TV land.

Mediocre Day, Part Three

I'm over-reacting.

Of course, its not my job to figure things out and to interpret anyone. I watch for changes in style, but not when I'm trying to figure out someones intentions/motives.

I'm just embarrased that I showed that I care for one person to someone else. Even Rolo thought that Seth was wrong. That being said, it might just say that Seth thought I was cool enough to joke around with.

Seth, thats two strikes. Twice betraying some measure of trust.
I don't know how many strikes is out, i dont think its three.
I re-read the IM, and im more convinced that it was me over-reacting. Then again, if I felt wronged ,someone should at least have apologized.

There is some thought to as how my parents have raised me. Heather said this often... I expect too much of other people. If I give a gift to her sisters (oh shit, I missed Crystal's Birthday) I expect a thank you note/call. If I FEEL wronged, someone should at least consider apolgizing, instead of ignoring me and making me feel stupid for letting it ruin my day when they couldn't give a shit.
Then again I go through big work to avoid making shit of anyone elses day..

none of my friends are available to talk, everyone who i am there for isnt there for me. Its not an expectation of reciprocality, its just... When people I know have felt down, I've missed things in life to talk with them. Of course, i dont tell them, but I miss them. Why? They needed someone and they came to me.
Should I be annoyed that other people dont do the same thing? nah, its really too much to expect.
Of course, I'm not actually CALLING the people that love me, just the people that I can IM.

This day has just been too much of other people (or my own issues) for me to handle.

Stacey's thing has got me down. Poor girl shattered her knees! Of course I found out a week later, so its old news and she sounds well enough.

The sex thing preys on my mind more. Staceys a tough girl and she'll be alright and she mentioned the knees in passing.

In post thought, this is the kind of thing I SHOULDn't be blogging. Seth and Mika's blog have little to do with their emtional state, and this is nothing but emotional state. Plus, I sound like a fucking nutbag.
But its a matter of principle. If I change this to be a "heres what I did this week" journal blog thing, then i violate .. well the journal wriitng concept. The first concept of this was to just make a place to store shit so i dont sms heatherw.
Ok, i'm gonna edit some more of this shit movie.
rk

Lousy Day, Part Two

So, with Seth.
I imed with Mika and then she got excessively flirtatious, commented about my blog, invited me to visit her, sassing me.. I was worried, because I wasn't sure if Mika was losing her sanity, or incredbly depressed after her breakup with Seth and ... I dunno. Turns out it was Seth.

rizwanK: Is this mika?
t0C: Finallyfiguring it out?
rizwanK: Suspected a long time ago.
rizwanK: decided to be kind about it.
rizwanK: Only now acting upon it.
rizwanK: Whom is this?
t0C: Riiiiiight. This is now Mika typing.
t0C: For the first time today. :D
rizwanK: Who was that?
t0C: I was wondering if the content, bad punctuation, poor capatalization, and general flirtatiousness along with odd emoticons, unusual emotes, and repeating of their prefered phrasing would possible ID it as someone other than I.
t0C: so who am I?
rizwanK: the ex-lover comment leads me to think it was seth.
t0C: is my dear, is.
rizwanK: ::gets incredibly frustrated:: I HATE IT when people do that. It's incredibly rude and deceitful.
rizwanK: Understand that I hate it when people do that.
rizwanK: Lets say I had an issue with you seth, and i spoke to her about it.
t0C: yes it is, isn't it.
rizwanK: Goodbye.
t0C: ah it was all playful
t0C: look over the log, its fun ;-)
t0C: I would like to have you come up for starcraft
rizwanK: understand this. In many other cases, I would consider it fun. If you two were still going out, i'd consider it fun. However, with Mika being in (my thoughts about her mental state, which are none of your buisness Seth), I'm iming to be a friend, and I dont like the twenty minutes of confusion, pussyfootting and all around worrying that shes gone under some mental breakdown that I was just led to believe.
rizwanK: Mika, im annoyed that you would participate; Seth I'm quite annoyed that, for a second time, you have violated the trust I put in people as a friend.
I
rizwanK: m melodramatic right now, so be it. Starcraft in SB? Yeah, id love to, but I need to spend a halfhour disliking you right now.
T0C: Dude, if it helps any, it's very hard to *keep* Seth from doing something when he choses to. The more I protest, the more encouraged he is, so beyond telling him "Make sure you tell him it isn't me," I stayed away and made myself breakfast instead.

Am I over-reacting? yes. Did it piss me off? Yes.
Do I wish that my friends had had more respect for me than to jerk me around when I had admitted that I liked Mika, and when I was trying to be a good friend, all around? Yes.
Will I deal? Yeah.

Just... don't trust either of them as much.

::shakes his head:: If it had happened a few weeks from now, when I wasn't worried about Mika, I would have laughed and laughed. Been annoyed but laughed.

The Recruit is over. Don't pay $8 to go see it, ill mail you the VCD.

As far as Stacey goes ... Mental note, dont' talk to rolo about personal feelings. hes ... not the guy to talk to about it. I tried to explain it to him and he left thinking that I was once in love with Stacey and was upset because she had sex with someone.

I'm tired of being alone. I'm not like desperate to be not alone. I just ... miss being with someone. It's gotten worse too. Thoughts of (ex-gf2) , the one good date with Natalie, meeting someone supa-cool...

Whats odd, is that I know I am writing this for all you all out there in TV land... its mostly what I'd write in my journal with just a bit less honesty and occasional thoughts editied out. Of course, I can read this, while I couldn't read my journal.

Who the fuck is gonna read this anyhow?
Bah, The Recruit sucks.
The girl is fucking hot though.

Mixed day, part one

Talked with Stace for the first time in a long time .. she called me her best friend **warm smiles** ... she got herself hurt ... and shes dating someone.. and they've slept together and I am finally alone in my world of virginity. I'm probably stupid wanting to wait for it to be both the girl and my first time, especially as I approach 22. More on this story later.

Magic : When to artifex and drafted .. Ended up with White and Blue and played a kick ass mono white deck with a bunch of flyers, first strikers, provokes, deftblade elites etc. Won two rounds and took home the semi final price ($9) (no one wanted to play past 8pm) ... worked out really well, Im quite happy with both my card selection and my playing. Got two Grand Colesiums(sp), that 13/13 Krosan and some more... fun as always.

Rolo and Dawn having more problems. Shes annoying me more and more as time passes. TAlking shit to him about his face (indirectly) and then about me to him. I'm so glad I never went out with her.

Till i finish ::rude Seth:: ::minor rude Mika:: ::rude virginity:: ::rude singlelife::

Girls are pretty.

Girls are pretty. I remember when I called up heather and just said that to her... I needed to tell someone. HeatherW made an interesting point... lemme just quote the entire saved part of the SMS application.
I was remarking that girls are evil. Here is whats her half was.
"Hat yes. Girls evil."
"And remember, if girls were less pretty, they wouldn't be as evil"
"Girls are evil, and one of the ways they can exert their power is by being pretty."
"Acknowledge the beauty but don't desire it Then the power won't work. It feeds on desire."
context is less important.

Also she said, while we were watching "Adaptation" .. there was some mention of attractiveness of talent or something... I started to mention my love for women that can play instruments or sing (... (ex-gf2) . Megan. The violin players in London and fiddlers in Ireland). She misunderstood me but made a wise wise comment -- "It isn't the skill that is attractive, its the talent."
Its a partial reason for my love of Photography.

Got in touch with faith today.
Nice short chat. I would try to figure her out, but im not sure I want to. Everything about her shouts trouble. Dresses the way she does, flirted the way she did, but obviously had a boyfriend. She let me buy her a drink with her boyfriend right there also... I dunno. Either way, shes not worth the trouble, and is ... so incredibly dumb. I hate saying it like that, but shes the only person I've met that .. vapid. Anyone who thinks EVERYTHING I say is sagely is suspect to begin with. She seems nice enough, though and I know that judging people by intelligence is just as bad as rating by physical looks.

I've found myself thinking about someone I wasn't expecting to find myself thinking about. ...

It might seem curious that all my ramblins are about girls, but, as far as contemplative time, thats where most of it goes. Life is alright and while ive got a lot of things to organize and develop and fill out, that happens more with more subtely than a blog.

Bedtimeish.

Templates.

First legit entry, can you believe it?

After the nutso computer fix stuff yesterday, nice leisurely day. Woke up, watched an episode of Friends and TWW on the comp and "all the presidents men", until Fehmidah Auntie arrived at home with their DV camera, went and got it and printed a copy of Mosaic tape one for Nashaud. Im so glad to finally have it done with... I have no idea how the first version I gave to him became de-timesynced.

Ran off that copy and got some other crap done with, moved all my gear from Temperate, Rizwank and Jatura all to Rizwank to auction off... still prolly 200k worth of stuff there, already got 220k from most of Jat's stuff (cept the SBoz and Wirewood Chest) and my two pretty horsies. Thats at least $800. I miss macroing plat... I'll really have to check out Xylobot and start rigging something... Wish I knew where Plazmic was.

Started on my drive, SMSed HeatherW who is becoming cooler and cooler every single SMS message.

Getting tired of trying to figure out natalie. She obviously likes (liked) me .. but isn't being resposnive to when I ask her out .. but they arent BS excuses, they sound legit... and she doesnt seem to mind.

Talking with Maria from Forever 39 right now .. I was telling her about my newly understood fascination with the Greek people. Kinda wish I had been more forward... C'est la vie. Too many reasons to reject me. Shes 10 years old (not like I cared or could even notice), she was with her mom, I *could* be turk. (no im not)

(I just told Maria that I included her in the blog. Self analysis. Is this like telling someone something indirectly like I used to .. its childish .. Im including you in this weblog but dont read it cause im exposing my thoughts about you, but heres the URL!) This is why my journal is written for me and me alone, but this MIGHT become easier than the written journal. plus.. you know.. readable.

I missed (ex-gf2) on the drive back from Vegas. I could go into it here but I've mentioned enough girls for one fucking log. IT might be that girls are most of my interpersonal contacts (True) or just that im nuts (true).

I'm in SD now, listened to three eps of Gunsmoke and a Benny just before his birthday in 1945

Remember : Find the "all girl" episode of "Suspense" right after the episode "Back Home for Christmas"

Ooh, Im behind on MTG.com (www.magicthegathering.com), time to read up.. really need to read the articles about Mental Magic, but just seems like a lot of trouble.

Going to Vegas alone is always empowering yet depressing. Go figure. Thats in the journal so no need to rehash it.

I'm so sick and tired of this movie (www.indoamericanfilms.com) ... hopefully it'll be done this weekend. Vivek has worked so hard on it, and it is twice as much his movie as mine. Hes talented but im not sure thats it. He cares enough about it to really have the drive. I mean, its important to me, but .. well hes 25 and has a much better / more solid work ethic than I.

Okay, thats long enough for now. Yay me.

First mobilepost!

First mobilepost!

Girls are Pretty.

God I love Girls with Glasses. Hmm, is there something wrong with that?

First Entry!