March 30, 2004
Link Cleaning
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L |
My favorite way now to search for flights, Sidestep
Gotta love the Flavor text on Repairations.
Cleaning the iPod
arsTechnica, possibly my new fav site.
Another link, Educational Videos, a la BBC on Bittorrent
A Spoken Word project I heard on NPR that sounds Great! In What Language
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Books Galore
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J |
I think Lora is on a date right now :smoulders: This bites.
Did massive updates to my Amazon wishlist…
Almost all of these were picked up while lousing around in airport bookstores…
- Verbal Judo : The Gentle Art of Persuasion
The Dumbest Moments in Business History: Useless Products, Ruinous Deals, Clueless Bosses, and Other Signs of Unintelligent Life in the Workplace - Wall Street Meat : My Narrow Escape from the Stock Market Grinder
- The Real Thing : Truth and Power at the Coca-Cola Company
- The Working Poor : Invisible in America
- The Great Influenza: The Epic Story of the Deadliest Plague In History
- The Genome War: How Craig Venter Tried to Capture the Code of Life and Save the World
- Pigs at the Trough : How Corporate Greed and Political Corruption Are Undermining America
- Bamboozled at the Revolution: How Big Media Lost Billions in the Battle for the Internet
- The Ideas That Conquered the World: Peace, Democracy, and Free Markets in the Twenty-First Century
- Why We Buy: The Science Of Shopping
- The Coming of the Third Reich
- What Should I Do with My Life? : The True Story of People Who Answered the Ultimate Question
- A Time to Die (Star Trek The Next Generation) (sadly enough, this is here more because I like the new cover design)
- What Liberal Media?: The Truth About Bias and the News
- Pattern Recognition
- Starting From Square Two
- The Fabric of the Cosmos : Space, Time, and the Texture of Reality
- Spitting Feathers
- Reefer Madness: Sex, Drugs, and Cheap Labor in the American Black Market
- Omerta
- Faith Odyssey: A Journey Through Life
- The Real State of the Union: From the Best Minds in America, Bold Solutions to the Problems Politicians Dare Not Address (really want this one)
By the way, Fast Food Nation is phenominal. Again, for later, I’ve got to write about it, but suffice it to say that you should read it.
Seen on CNN on the plane : BluejackQ, a site dedicated to the new science of breaking into Bluetooth decies… well at least sending your random contact to people, ‘hacking’ seems to be overstating it a bit.
Oh, mental note, I have to look into Verbal Advantage audiobooks for myself and a friend; we both want to power-walk our vocabularies.
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March 25, 2004
Happiness
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A |
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The Last Night
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W |
Sadly, I don’t think it was the best place to take Lora for our last night… we didnt have anything better in mind but, still. She seemed happy to see me after not having seen each other the entire day, so its possible our experiment worked, and she was giddy and bouncing while on our way, but she clammed up once we got there… I dont mind that so much, I understand that it was a new situ for her, but after leaving she seemed subdued, and worried about work. We were ok for time, and were specifically leaving Kimmie’s so that we have enough time to sleep. Its jut after that she seemed… distant.. mellow.
And I’m leaving, so … I dunno, I expected her to be excited about me being there and all, as much as I was when she was about to leave. Or I could just be pouting a lot. I’m just confused and … I really like her. I know she likes me, but I wish she’d show it. Then again she does… its just tough getting used to someone new. I’m leaving tomorrow, that should be a big deal, thats all.
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March 24, 2004
One of my funks
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I |
I’m at an amazing card store in Berkeley, called Eudemonia. I just bought an hour of time and two sets of Dragon Shield sleeves… I love them. 24 computers, BIG gaming space, this is the kind of place I could hang out. Funny girl here talking too :hits head on wall: —- one girl at a time please.
Anyhow, I’m in a funk. I can’t say if its because of my not having taken my anti deps these past few days (side-effects, bleh), although that can’t have helped.
- I just realized I talk about my anti-depressants more now than I used to and don’t really explain why. It isn’t for mood adjustment, I’m reasonably happy, and while, before them, I would slump into low moods, they weren’t clinically irrecoverable. Its that, when I get into a period of stress, I become an OCD case. I straighten corners, I cant cant cant deal with a piece of paper being folder over it self (especially if its part of art in a picture frame, in such a way that I can’t fix it). It does help with quelling my temper with my family, but thats just a bonus, and not why im taking it.
So yeah, I’m in Berkeley. Lora and I talked about exes yesterday and I gave her the entire story of my lovelife… and hers, which is considerably lengthier and more complicated. There are three milestones in my life, (ex-gf1) (ex-gf2) and Serena. Everyone else is spaces between those. It was interesting to tell, and very interesting to hear hers, although knowing that there were guys actively interested in her up here in Oakland totally messes with my confidence. I mean, its okay, I’ll deal, and I’m not ready to even think about exclusivitiy, so why worry…
This morning we talked about other stuff… I’m about as horny as a jackrabbit… (Are they horny), and she’s not been… so we talked about that. A good point that she makes is that we don’t have any time apart from each other so we constantly interact. It isn’t the physical horniness when I’ll jump anything at all… its for her, its intellectual, emotional, etc. Anyhow, I wasn’t going to blog about between us, but suffice it to say that things are GREAT, thinks are lousy, things are DELIGHTFUL, things are crappy. C’est la vie. They are more on the good side than bad… by far.
So moods. Berkeley is beautiful. I paritally wish I was here for school, but I can’t stop recalling that fire-trucks with American Flags had them torn down by Berkeley residents… But its a lovely place, rustic feel, like Westwood used to be; an excess of non-chain shops, pretty intelligent looking girls and interesting people in general makes this place attractive.
Kim and I met up yesterday; it was delightful. We chatted as if no time had passed and jumped back into our lives… I felt better about myself seeing her as well… I was going to comment that all of my friends that finished school were doing entry level things, no where in the fields that they had planned (Engineer snobbishness), but its far from the truth. Kim is doing well helping expand a realty chain, many are teachers, Amy sounds well… I can’t wait till I’m done with school, although my poor work this past quarter doesn’t make me feel better about it.
At times I’m depressed about the state of the world, reading the homeless magazines, “Fast Food Nation”, the various SF area independent papers, knowing my photography has bit it recently…
I bought the audio recorder for the iPod, but its going back right now. It clips to easily, and I know that itd be reasonably easy to make one of my own for less than $50. Also, as in-comprehensible as my blogs are, imagine me TALKING as a blog… yes, it’d be bad.
Kim loves Oakland, and whats sad, is that I could find myself loving living up here, and I’m SUCH A so-cal guy that I hate the concept. I have a undefined envy/hatred of the Bay Area and of Boston… Boston for having MIT and me not being there… and the old world-intellectulaisim and … fuck, its Boston; and of the Bay Area for its rampant care-not liberalisim… I’ve seen more anti bush stuff in the past few days than in the past six months… That being said, I equated Berkeley, San Jose, San Francisco, and Oakland together, and that was a mistake. I should consider moving up here for the summer for a change of venue… get a job in Public Radio or something. I am somewhat reminded by Edinburgh, and I don’t know why. Anyhow, I like the area, and I didn’t expect to. It could also just be tiredness of Victorville, and LA might have a similar effect upon me.
Loras awesome, btw. Shes super caring in a way that I’d like to think I am… and in the way that others haven’t been to me. Therse something special about her, which is tragic. It’d be much easier if she was a skanky ho with no brains and nothing intelligent to say, as she IS up here. We talked about my photography and hers and whether its something you should read, research, take classes in. I’m in the middle of the road, but shes totally the rouge girl, and you can see it in her photos, good and bad. Again, I was going to espouse the argument but it collapsed half way through by distraction…
Mum and Dad aren’t doing well at all… They were going to go to China for a trade show, but Dad now wants to go alone… for unknown but seemingly libidinous reasons… Dad’s having a midlife crisis, Mum doesn’t know what to do and refuses to totally keep me out of it … she tries, but fails; I get dragged in somehow. I don’t know what to say to them and Mum is making more and more comments about doing ‘What she needs to do’ which scares the living daylights out of me.
I haven’t even seen Berkeley’s campus and am in love with the area. Perhaps I should actually walk around it ;p
I’m suddenly saddleded with worry… :takes out his iPod: … maybe some music would do…
Visited the Apple Store in SF… amazingly gorgeous… they have a ‘genius bar’ upstairs for tech support and… well Apple reminds me of the other things I like to do… theres a reason why the site is Geekymedia, I love media type content of all kinds! I’m going to Grand Prix Columbus Friday, which should be cool. Kim is making dinner with her boy, my girl and myself for tonight, which should be awesome, and I’m meeting Tara in Santa Cruz tomorrow.
Theres a pair of girls talking about Fantasy and Sci Fi right behind me, its so amazing. I mean its amazing when Lora does it too, but it always seems more amazing when it isn’t someone who doesn’t like you (yet)…
Things I’m worried about
* Returning to UCLA
* My Parents
* My grades from CSUPomona
* Sex
* Anti-Depressants
* Lora - Distance from me
* Lora - Her Patience
* Visiting Sis (when?)
Theres an emptiness in my heart right now, and I have no idea what it is. That being said, I was perfectly happy two hours ago, BERKELEY DID IT TO ME! :p
Anyhow, I’ll be fine. Time to surf for a while and then go visit Berk Campus, then go to the Apple Store to return this mic and then go to Lora’s mall and play Lazer tag until she calls.
Oh, this store uses CyberCafePro and it looks good.
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March 22, 2004
Oakland
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F |
I’m in Oakland, on spring break, visiting Lora.
Its going well. Arrived last night after a way too long drive, I think I made it harder on myself, and we spent some time together, went to Dennys…
Lora does something cute… well many things cute, but this one is the point of this digression… when we sit together in a restaurant… she sits next to me, instead of across from me. Its cute.
We chilled at Dennys… I overdid the giving her a hard time though and had to backtrace myself… Back to her place and started to sleep… then we got inspired and played a bit :) Fans of Serena’s blog won’t need further translation. (or anyone with any imagination whatsoever).
Sex is weird. For the inexperienced, i.e. me, its incredibly complicated, sensitive, scary, etc. I can talk about it alright, just the act makes me nervous, and of course, its bad for a guy to be nervous ;p
Anyhow, the next day (today) consisted of lazing in bed, meeting her mom (a v. cool woman, reminiscent of Lora and my mom, in how cool she was), going to San Francisco and bumming around, finally seeing “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”, which I liked. I had a sudden ego hit when I realized that I was the one being doting and all; I felt kinda used or something. Paranoia, its me. I, pathetically, asked me to show how she felt… No, she didnt kiss me or hug me tightly. She danced. DANCED. A little cute dance that was like her dance the previous night at Electric Light Orchestra’s Mr Blue Sky…. it resolved my doubts..
I had some stuff to say about getting cranky after a long day; I dont understand that mentality… I know its not intentional, and the good people try to hold it off, but why would you get cranky? Tired, yeah but cranky?
Anyhow lora’s here and I’m a total retard if I spend more than five minutes blogging instead of cuddling with her.
Later.
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March 16, 2004
BFGW
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M |
Watched Big Fat Greek Wedding.
Actually, it wasn’t so bad this time. I, of course, still think of (ex-gf2) , but I’m no longer wondering what went wrong (esp sinc she flat out told me last year) and no longer what would have happened had we stayed together…
I’m still thinking about people of different cultures… I’ve dated Russians, Greeks, Americanized Frenches and Jews … and I totally adored them all. Is this some part of me wanting to stay within my own culture… or is it just a love of those who have a culture?
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March 15, 2004
Sandra Tsing Loh
M
SNBC - L.A. radio personality thrown off the air
LOS ANGELES - A popular Asian-American radio commentator has been thrown off a Los Angeles public radio station for using a four-letter word, becoming the latest casualty in the cultural war over obscenity on the airwaves.
advertisement
Commentator Sandra Tsing Loh said her use of the f-word in a prerecorded segment was an editing error but what KCRW-FM’s general manager Ruth Seymour said Thursday was that Loh made calculated use of obscenity in a politically charged time.
Her show, the Loh Life is quite entertaining, this came to my attention when Bill Maher had her via Sat on his show (with George Carlin) … the GM also noted that she ‘should consider getting some help’.. .WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS COUNTRY?
My parents went to see Passion of the Christ last night… afterwards I clarified with them some of the biblical stories I knew to help them understand the bits that they didnt get and then they pointed out that more than 30% of the audience was under 10… WHAT THE HELL?
From my rants in #mtgjudge:
[21:54] RizwanK—I read a review where the writer suggested that anyone who took a child to see the movie be arrested for child abuse, it was that dangerous.
[21:54] obithrawn—why thefuck would people bring children to that movie
[21:55] RizwanK—so their children writhe in fear
[21:55] modargo—because they want people to see the glory of christ!
[21:55] RizwanK—of their lord that died for them
[21:55] modargo—and fear hell and act like nice little robots
[21:55] RizwanK—yes.
[21:55] obithrawn—god people are dumb
[21:55] RizwanK—whenever they do something wrong
[21:55] RizwanK—’REMEMBER THE MOVIE.. CHRIST DIED FOR YOU’
[21:55] obithrawn—I wouldn’t have to hate anyone if people weren’t this stupid
[21:56] Sei`—”you dont want christ to have been beated to a pulp in vain do you? now finish your soup”
Sei’ is the man today.
Where is this world going?
So final today. It went alright I think, showed up an hour late, was done in 20 minutes. Yes it was that easy. the stuff that I didnt know how to do was pretty easy too so I faked it. Lets see how it goes ;p
Two more coming up…
So, plans are firming up… Jeremys got this girl ‘I’ve gotta meet’ which we are doing on his performance on Saturday… Saturday morning is the PTQ down below.. Sunday I’m driving up to see Lora… Thursday I’m driving down.. Friday I’m flying to Columbus Ohio to work a Grand Prix… back Monday… I’ve got from Monday till next monday to figure out school, move in, and stabilize.
Too bad I can’t do more fun things during that week…
So UT2004 is coming out, and having had a ton of fun with 2003, I think I’m gonna buy it.
Not. Yes I’m bad. However to play online, you need a CD key. Enter #bt-gm
[22:06] **** RizwanK call wallmart tell em ur cd key dont work tell the clerk to open a box and give u the cd key they will if they dont call another one after 3-4 youll get one for shure
[22:07]
[22:07]
[22:07] **** yepp
[22:07]
[22:07] **** hehe
[22:07]
[22:07] **** worked for me for ut2k3 and diablo2 both normal and expansion
Also you can buy em on Ebay…
[22:08]
[22:10] **** yeah, $1 a pop, it works sometimes if you’re lucky
[22:10]
[22:10] **** u can use it at 3 in the morning
[22:11] **** lowest bid is a $1
[22:11] **** buy it now for $5
My two legit, no one gets hurt ebay semi scams are this one, and the raffle stuff.
Make a raffle for a very expensive item, so that overall you get twice the amount… if all the tickets ever get sold, you be legit and raffle em; until then… you make some money.
I’ve seen it work, but eh. After My EQ days I’m not much into any sort of illegitimate work.
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March 13, 2004
Rage against the Machine
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C |
Anyhow she got home and we switched to aim… I got her bittorrenting, so she got some RAR files, some OGG files and a MKV file… a metaformat I’d never heard of (it was Divx inside) … attempting to helper her download the appropriate viewers for mac osx went poorly, she signed off in a huff, I think shes mad at her mac ;p
What do I have to blog during one of my finals breaks… my birthday, last day with Lora, school ingennral, finding the apartments..
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March 12, 2004
That weird feeling in your stomach...
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L |
Have my blog entries been Lora overrun? Yes. Is there a reason? Yeah… Its finals week, and I’ve just met her, so no one start accusing me of over doing it…
Anyhow, left early for FNM, felt like deckbuilding… my 
Cleric deck, while fun, is getting tiresome, and people do not like when I gain infinite life. Either gonna run 
Cemetary, Control or Aggro.
Anything to use my little mana symbols.
Anyhow, left for FNM and started to think about Lora… and, entirely of my own paranoia … my stomach started hurting… I got that sick feeling that you get when you are extremely nervous about something… When I go up to see her, what will we do? Do I enjoy her company or is it the hope of getting some that makes me like her? ( I know the answer, its her company, but when you are overthinking things…) … at the beginning of dating anyone, I get totally scared that I’m in it just because of sex… and its never like that. I like people easily, and I enjoy the people I’ve dated…
So yeah, I’m just being silly. Very silly. I’m just mentioning everyhting that occurs to me ;p
Finals Monday, Wednesday and Friday next week; I’m going to need to figure out UCLA classes, I’m doing my best but I’m waiting upon UCLA to approve my re-acceptance.
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Day Two
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S |
Yeah, Sam Ash.
Yeah that was a turn on.
More of the mall, then to see Butterfly Effect for a few reasons
* Brian and Nichole said it was good
* It was almost literally the ONLY thing worth seeing
* I kinda wanted to see it (dissuaded by Kutcher though).
It was good. Very good.
A think with me is that I get wrapped into alternate realities WAY too easily. I fall into deep movies (esp, it seems, if I havent taken my Lexapro recently, more on why not later), I wake up thinking im in the world of Magic, Everquest or my dreams… during the movie I kept looking over to see Lora to remember where the hell I was… at the end of the movie I was in a daze for almost ten minutes… very odd. Lora was understanding though :)
Seriously, a girl needs to be understanding to spend time with me. Most of my weird stuff comes out early, I’m poor at hiding it. If you survive the first few weeks, you are set…
Back to the house, stopping by the …
Actually, heres a thing.
When we first made plans, I said we should have a drinking party to commerate .. whatever. St. Pattys day (which hadn’t past yet), my or her Birthdays were up… I don’t know why the idea came up or why I stuck to it… She made a joke about me trying to get her drunk and I totally freaked out… I’m NOT that guy, but still, why was I so intent to drink that night? … I still don’t hae an answer for myself.
We stopped by Vons and got some Mikes Hard Lemonade (diet… the regulars were out.. VERY VERY lousy tasting, btw), and a movie from Blockbuster, until we realized it was closed. About half of High Fidelity passed until I felt the need to totally ignore one of my favorite movies (and when she was willing to ignore it as well) … we went off and had some fun.
I was going to explain what happened and details and all, but I don’t feel like it. Suffice it to say things were good, but I got nervous (as usual), and blah blah blah. If you want to know more, too bad.
One thing I find funny… this girl keeps breaking from past experiences… from her positions on politics, to her demeanor (about 3x more like HeatherW than Serena or (ex-gf1) ), to her positions on oral sex, or breasts, etc etc. Its just … different. My usual map of how things works doesn’t always fit, so that keeps surprising me. Oh, and yay me, I was smooth with the bra clasp. :high-fives men everywhere:
After our fun, we went back to watch High Fidelity… and then some family guy until we fell asleep… well I fell asleep and she woke me up and took me to the bedroom.
The next day proceeded to start off as one of the worst in memory… Woke up to one of the guys from Display pouding on the door, turns out ‘rents were trying to get a hold of me for hours cause dad deleted something on the computer (and of course, did it in a way that meant it wasn’t in the recycle bin)… and then got mad that I wasn’t setting up the new computer at Display (he wanted it done before he got back from vegas, cause he was worried i wouldn’t do it otherwise, which, sadly, is a fair enough worry). He also said I needed to go to Display right then to take some pictures…. got to display with Lora, both of us just having washed our faces and… the stuff at Display wasn’t ready yet.
Got back home annoyed that dad kept wanting me to take Lora to work for hours while I setup the computer (which I said I could do thursday)… Lora was about to take a shower, and it occured to me… I went down and made some joke about joining her… then asked her… ‘No.’ … then she asked for the plans for the day… I said some wise ass remark about getting her all sweaty and whatever… and she said ‘Thats not gonna happen’.
and I freaked out
I suddenly started re-hasing the night and thinking that I had totally unsatisifed her, and that she wasn’t interested anymore; or I had committed some gaffe… This was further made worse by my calling my to-be roommates (I had had a good apartment hunting trip to Westwood the previous week), to find out that they might be backing out.
suddenly, everything is going wrong.
Enter, HeatherW and Mom
With some talking, some jokes, and plenty of slapping me around; she straightened me out… we devised a strategy on how to find out what she thought of the trip so far, that while I might be the worst lover ever (my words), that isn’t the only thing, that its better to ask than to be freaking out constantly, and a ton more… I wish i had rememberd to save that conversation..
Mom told me to wait until I could actually talk to the person that was making the decision about the roommates, which was that evening, and let it be till then… she talked with dad, who, amazingly, called me to tell me that it was okay if I didnt do it Tuesday as long as I did it Thursday, taking off the pressure of getting yelled at.
That, plus a shower, and I calmed down.
Ok, im getting a bit tired, and whats left is ‘easy’ stuff to blog, so I’ll do it soon.
Us in Ontario Mills just before she left…
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Feelings...
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L |
“i dont know where this is going, but i know it will be good. why question a good thing? “
Seriously, that makes some sense. Why can’t I be that pratical?
It all started when Brian had to say on the phone, just post-departure, so, where do you think this is going…?
And it got me started.
Let me make this clear… this is total hyperbole, and the sentiments are in the minority … but they still occur. (That being said, that isn’t a total defense. Serena often mentioned how she knew so many of the reasons she was sad were illogical or wrong, but she still felt that way).
thoughts that have occured to me..
Oh my god… What about a relationship?
And then I start to panick! I’m not ready!
Lets, of course, remember, that I’ve spent the last six months trying to be in a relationship, and the concept of ‘being availabe’… and I worried about the long distance thing, and that I wouldn’t be able to keep her happy and the other people shes dating and …
Also, being responsible for someones happiness is scary. I can’t even be responible for myself for anything… eating right, being happy, on time, whatever.. how can I be there for someone else? I wonder if Serena hadn’t nearly forced me to become her boyfriend so soon (I wasn’t ready, but she needed it, and thats ok), if things might have been different…
Then I realied I’m batshit insane. Also, its such a guy thing to do to totally panic at even the THOUGHT of a relationship status… Its not that I want to be single cause theres so much anonymous sex to be had, its just an unbased fear… that hasn’t come up.. and won’t for quite a while.
Before you all wonder why I dare say this out loud, a) Loras not the kind of girl to freak out. b) I’ve already explains and signed a Blog agreement with Lora; no commicating messages to each other via blog and no assumptions to be made… After the debacles that came from Serena and my blog interactions, whether I didn’t read hers and therefore was unaware of feelings that she should have told me, or when I posted stuff that was hyperbole and she took personally (justifiably)… I felt it a good idea :)
And at the same time, I do like her a lot. And I see potential.
And the distance is almost good; keeps things at a normal pace… Instead of the burnout kinda thing I tend to do. That being said, we’ve talked on the phone for an hour a day since… interestingly enough, about nothing in particular.
I miss Heather, btw.
And of course, now I’ve gotten a ton of ‘yes’ to Hot or Not; some interesting people on friendster, Jeremy’s gonna set me up with someone, blah blah blah… When it rains it pours.
Loras on my to visit plans for my spring break, since Heather probably would want to spend that time with Joel. I’m thinking I’ll learn a ton more about her in her own element, she was quiet in mine…
I vented about Jacob and Nichole and whatnot on the way home; and she proved to be a good listener :)
Ok posting next, day two.
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March 11, 2004
Heaven
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It stemmed from the second game that we played with Lora, Brian, Nichole, myself and Jacob… You ask a question from a card ‘Would you rather X or Y’ and see if you can guess what the crowd will choose… some of them are quite graphically distrubing, rest are trivial…
One that hit me… “would you rather know for a fact that there was a heaven, and go to it now, or continue the rest of your life not sure”…
Nichole chose the former, which I don’t get, but different story… I was thinking on the drive up … Heaven…
So, in Heaven, are you ever sad? Do you have the same nervousness and conditions that you have on Earth? Do you get bored there? Are all your personal traits the same there? Can you be sad missing someone who didnt make it there?
Heres the thing… if Heaven is mindlessly pleasant, than Heroin addicts have something right on the rest of us. If its as complex as the world, whats so great about it… for that matter; aren’t we ALL defined by our dealings with difficulties… having to deal with such things makes us who we are, and taking those things away would … well suck. It just seems to me that any Heaven I can imagine would suck or have some serious moral flaws; or even if Heaven was beyond my imaginging, and was pure bliss…. whos to say that pure-happiness is right? It’d corrupt our souls, our happiniess…
I’m almost more of the opinion that Agnostics are Atheiests without the courage to take a stand… maybe someday, I’ll be ready to make that stand.
If you aren’t reading the Blogcoven, do so… Dixie; HeatherW, is posting a lot of really cool things. Im not sure if I want my blogging style to become like hers, but I sure wouldn’t mind a few steps in that dir…
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An affair with someone from :gasp: norcal
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Lora is a hot or notter
Yesh I know. Bad idea right?
We matched up and I sent her my regular ‘whats up’ email… She IMed me and informed me that she lived in Oakland… I didn’t make the requisite effort to keep in contact; and I was in the hot or not ‘im searching for people that I can get some from’ mode… not that I’ve ever been successful. We joked around after my birthday about how, if I were up there, she would have shown me a good time (instead of my varied time on my birthday, details there when I get to it lateR)
We started talking again a week or two later… random stuff… sex, friends, gaming etc… I thought she was cool… I should go and visit her next time im in Norcal… then as wel talked about it over the next few weeks it stopped being ‘months and months’ and sooner… then I started thinking about my parents leaving for the ASD show… and next thing she was coming to visit.
I paid for the flight (which she was reluctant to do, in her defense) and anticiapted… we talked on the phone a few times, expressed hope that the other wasn’t a serial murderer…
Sunday I drove down to pick her up. I was early, by the way. All I had was her name… Lora Beckers, some Friendster/Hot or Not pictures… some webcam memories, and …. total confusion. What had changed with me .. years ago, I couldn’t approach a woman that I saw every day… then I met a woman and tried to bed her at the nearest Motel 6 … and now I’m flying someone in?
I was nervous driving down and arriving…
We met up in Ontario, and went to Krispie Kreme and fetched some doughnuts… Those of you that know me know that I am a physically affectionate kinda guy, but at the same time, I didnt know this girl at all.. we had flirted online and all, yeah but thats a long throw from RL… We went back to the house and watched the Mystery Science Theather 3000 that she had brought… Mitchell…
And we snuggled.
We got along well, talking and whatnot; but trying to describe the first day seems like a blur… We spent a ton of time together… and yeah, we kissed :) .. I kept kissing her on the head and what not … she actually kissed me… and yet… this wasn’t like past experiences. This girl wasn’t just in for some… how I acted actually meant something and I had to earn her attraction… it was different than how I percieved past dates…
We went bowling and hung out with Brian and Nichole… they kept pulling me aside to tell me how cute she was (I think they still feel bad for the Robin debacle)… I thought she was cute too…
Let me tell you about her.
First a picture. This is her, self-taken after she got back to Oakland on Tuesday, wearing a hat I bought her as a parting gift.
Shes a cutie. Full figured, freckly, button cute nose… not sure if she fits the ‘pixie’ def’n that Heather one ascribed to the girls I liked but … She wiggles her nose, its totally totally cute. Brown hair… tounge piercing, bright, a gamer, has opinions… Of course we are still getting to know each other so thers a lot lot to learn. Shes a photographer though.. has a talent with self-portraits.. (good site on self-portraiture) and shot design.. she thought of stuff at Victor Valley College that hadn’t ever occured to me..
By the way, the hole in my tounge from the piercing is still there. :wonders if he should put a stud back in it:
I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again… theres an art to ‘classy’ kissing that people don’t get… the tounge isn’t the key appendange, your lips are… a closemouthed long kiss can be so much more intimate than the ‘tounge wrestle’ games that some play… I mean theres passion and theres romance… Anyhow, each to their own but I have a style and thats it. :)
I’ve never kissed someone else with a piercing… of course I’ve been kissed with mine though… I liked it alot; now I can see why girls liked that I had it..
So we hung out, saw the ducks @ the duck park, lazed a LOT, got Chinese… the Chinese ended up being our Lunch and Dinner for the next two nights… I had some severe stomach pains at hte Chinese place though, no idea why.. watched Family Guy episodes and went bowling with Brian and Nichole… played Sexual Secrets with them and Jacob… :grr Jacob… we don’t really get along, stuff he says just irritates me:: anyhow, Secrets goes like this… you read a question out of a book … “When I first saw a penis I thought” … etc… and answer it and everyone bets whether or not you were telling the truth… Its interseting playing with someone you dont know well as you have to extrapolate what you do know about her into what you dont… that being said, I almost shouted B.S. when she said that being on the bottom was her favorite position though ;p Some things you can tell… then some more board games until I signaled her on a note that I wanted to take her home and watch movies and cuddle… we ended up doing so, watching ‘Love Actually’…. (I love that movie and its incredibly romantic… not that night though, we both dozed off and were too tired to have much fun watching…) —- we ended up crashing in my bed :) until I got woken up, telling me how incredibly small my bed was and we proceeded downstairs…. No one likes my bed ;p.
She said something that really changed my perspective on something… my hands went roaming while we were making out and I realzed that she was giving me a hard time… and I asked her why jokiningly .. “I’ve got to make your work for it, I don’t want you to take it for granted….” and that really struck me… no one ever said something like that, and it made me apprecaite her a lot more than other things that went a lot faster…. Or I could just be getting older and understaninding things more
(I’ve gotten her ok to be more public about details than I normally would)…
Monday started nicely… afternoon classes were the plan; of course it didnt happen… slow morning start, then Ontario Mills… lots of walking about … I managed to avoid the usual date thing I do; buying something cute at Bed, Bath, and Body works… she didn’t like Foozles and I almost freaked out… Bookstores are holy to me; but then she commented how much she didn’t like the decor or the selection of the store, and I calmed down… not liking books is evil.. We almost went to D&B until she realized that she couldn’t get in.. I always thought that they changed their 21 and over policy since I had seen 8 year olds running around … turns out its parental supervision ;p
we walked on to the Sam Ash store, and I dont think I’ve ever been so turned on in my life… watching her gawk over the various instruments (she plays 8), books, equipment etc, was so incredibly enchanting…
I think I’ll leave off at Sam Ash… its time to sleep, as I have to install the new computers @ Display tomorrow… to be covered, drunkeness, movie, fun stuff, john and joan cusask, and Tuesday…
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March 10, 2004
Utter Amazement
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And of course, it’ll get lumped into one entry instead of seperated… I’ll blog the invididual thoughts as they flow into words..
First, I’ve always stated publically that there are two types of talent that I find totally beyond me and that fascinate me to no end. Comedians …. And I don’t meet people like me, that can be funny… I mean the people that see funny in everything. When I think of it; a few people come to mind… Price Petersen, Sean Heckman, Mike Pesses, Sean Hart (omg Sean!); people that made me shake my head with total and uttery disbelief as I watched them weave funny out of nothing. Granted, my time with my fellow ‘Mike and Ben Show’ workers didn’t end so well, but I swear to God, the best part of my starting UCLAtv was the opportunity to watch these guys work… It still makes me shiver when I think about it.
Then theres Music. Lora (lots lots lots more about her later), was walking around a music store at Ontario Mills and admiring instruments and it reminded me how much I love music. HeatherW once had as her away message a comment effectively stating that music was better than sex. (More to be said there later, as well). She later informed me that just listening to music wasn’t good enough, and that you had to perform it as well, which kind of let the air out of my balloon. ;p Listening to Serena sing, (ex-gf2) play her piano, Lora look over instruments, watching girls and boys, men and women, fiddle, sing or play something in Ireland at pubs … well how to describe it… Its amazing. I was going to make some sexual innuendo as to how much it excites me, but its beyond even that amount of excitement… it awakens my soul.
My new third is design. I’m a pretty good designer, but the word isn’t exactly narrow. I mean that im good at designing processes, systems, flow of operations, things that are inherent to a good engineer and manager. The kind of design that drives me batty with amazement is visual design. Examples… Adrian Gray at Comedyworld… We’d both edit the same piece and the things that he’d do with timing, music and cutting were mind-blowing… that is when I knew I wasn’t destined to be an editor… Vivek as he edited American Addiction with me… 75% of the good looking stuff from that film were his, not mine. 75% might even be conservative. I’ve been looking at website designs and fell in love with Southern Girl Babbling… so much so that I tried to clone it … http://www.geekymedia.com/newsite … I can’t do it justice, so I’m trying to get a hold of the designer…
And while doing that, I was floored. Look at these designs! 1 2 3… on 3, Snazzy kat, look at the various skins. THEY ARE AMAZING. (and thanks to CSS, can usually be implemented by just changing the CSS file)
I’m trying to get a hold of her, her work site has a ‘under construction’ type thing… point being, I was totally driven nuts by the talent expressed…
What drove me to the edge of actually writing about it? An animation posted in #mtgjudge and #mtgplaty … my mirror of it :waits for all of my hosts bandwidth to be eaten up: … Its TOTALLY ABSOLUETLY adoreable and I sat and watched it and referenced it constantly with Lora…
Anyhow, I watched the various visual elements, timing and other subtle things and I was amazed…
I wish I could do that.
I can do what I can do, and I do it well. No doubt about those. And I’ve conceeded the point, I’m hiring a designer for my blog. But to be able to create that kind of beauty on my own…
I need to shoot some pictures… maybe I can create some beauty of my own time…
Until next time, my admiration to those talented ones out there.
http://www.geekymedia.com/media/Ddautta_01_masK.swf
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